Wednesday, April 8, 2015


Flowers Candle

Turning 26, finishing my master’s degree, leaving all my friends and family and moving to Florida, starting a new job, ending a relationship…need I go on?  My point is there have been a lot of changes in my life recently.  A lot.  And through this process I feel like I have grown as a person, learned a lot, and compiled some nuggets of wisdom along the way that I find to be unwavering.  So for todays post I thought I would share with you some things I have learned in life so far...

1. People are not against you, they are for themselves.
This one I definitely learned the hard way.  I was someone growing up that was very sensitive and always took everything personally.  It took me awhile to realize that people are not against me, they are just for themselves.  Comments or actions that we take personally may in actuality have nothing to do with us and this quote attributed to Plato says it best, “Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”  I am constantly trying to remind myself that people have a whole life and set of circumstances going on that I know nothing about, so I can't sweat the small stuff and need to cut others some slack.   

2. Listen to your parents, they are probably right.
As much as I hate to admit it my father has always been a great judge of character.  And whenever he didn’t like one of my boyfriends they usually ended up being a buffoon sooner or later.  And as much as I hate to admit it my Mother has always had great advice whether I chose to listen to it in my younger years or not.  She taught me to save my money, to never show up to a dinner party empty handed, and the power of a hand written thank you note.

3. "They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." - Andy Warhol
I am culpable of thinking oh by next year I will have this and this and all my visions on my inspiration board will become a reality.  Well if I just sit on my derriere and don’t do anything to work towards my goals then nothing is going to happen.  I f we are striving towards something and not getting there we need to look at what part of our personality or behaviors is keeping us from it.  If we dream about winning the lottery, but never buy a ticker how do we expect that wish to become a reality.  You see where I'm going with this?

4. Spend money on experiences not things.
I cannot stress this enough.  I am guilty as the next girl who loves to shop, but all those little purchases add up.  And even though at the time my brain is shooting off signals of “You need to have this.  This will make you so happy!”, that rush from buying something new is only temporary and then my mind is usually onto the next thing on my wish list.  I try to save as much as I can and when I do spend my money use it towards a nice vacation, or going to a sporting event or seeing a Broadway show…things I will remember for the rest of my life and experiences that I can share with others.  From my work in geriatric psychology I remember doing counseling sessions with elderly patients and they would always talk about trips they took with their kids, or their home they shared with their me they weren’t reminiscing about the Prada tote they got on sample sale when they were 23 years old.  My point is the memories we obtain through experiences stay with us much longer and have a prolonged positive effect on our happiness as compared to a superficial purchase.

5. "Once you think about it, aren't the people who are living their lives without worrying about other people's opinions having more fun than those judging them?" - Taylor Swift
I used to have a problem  (and kind of still do) that I cared about what everyone thought of me and wanted everyone to like me, everyone had to like me!  One of my coworkers said to me once, “Well do you like everyone?”, to which I responded, “No” and she stated, “Well then why does everyone have to like you?”  Which is so true.  In an interview Taylor Swift  said she would rather look like a goofball and be having fun than be miserable trying to please everyone and fit in.  If other people don’t like you or have a problem with you that’s their problem not yours.  Be yourself, be happy, and if anyone doesn’t like it they can kiss your ass. 

6. Say yes!   
I am usually someone who sticks to the same routine and hangs out with the same people, but moving to a new city and not knowing anyone has definitely changed that.  To say I have stepped outside of my comfort zone is an understatement.  Nevertheless, even though it has been hard at times I have met a bunch of cool and interesting people and have had lots of new experiences.  All by saying yes.  If anyone invites me to do anything I just say yes and go with it.  Even if I would rather stay in or I don’t feel like socializing I push myself to go and usually end up having a great time.  I encourage you to do things that scare you, push yourself, meet new people, and say yes...I promise you will grow as a result. 

7. “It is more important to be the most interesting person in the room than the prettiest” - Bethenny Frankel
Preach Ms. Frankel.  Bethenny is my girl; talk about a real housewife who has a mouth on her, is the life of the party, and has created an empire. I think this quote from her is so valid because looks may grab someone’s attention, but being interesting will keep it.

8. “The genius thing that we did is that we didn't give up.” - Jay-Z
Never underestimate the power of hard work. Some people feel like they deserve certain things in life or for things to be handed to them, but even if we have connections in our personal or professional life once we cash in on our favor we still need to work hard to move forward.  There are two ways to get places in life, magic or hard work...and never underestimate the power of the latter.  There is something to be said for someone who works hard, perseveres, and doesn't give up on what they want despite setbacks.

9. It can always be worse. Always.
Working with the addicted population daily this one really hits home for me.  As bad as you think your life is, it can always be worse and a “rock bottom” is constantly evolving.  I try to focus on the things that I am grateful for in my life now, because you never know what tomorrow will bring.

10. Time really does heal most wounds.
Whether it be a fight with a friend or not getting your dream job, things that feel like the end of the world in the moment do get better.  I promise, things will get better.  I know I am guilty of catastrophizing situations and sometimes feeling sorry for myself, but that breakup we thought was the end of the world when we were 18, we may look back now and care less.  And let’s be real he was probably a loser, with bad fashion sense, who didn’t like your dog anyway. 

Anything else you would add?  Leave me a comment below letting me know "what you have learned in life so far"?  And thanks so much for stopping by!

Xoxo Nicole

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